Wedding stalker..

On January 24, 2011, in Witticisms, by Gaurika Sirohi

I’ve just returned from a friend’s wedding in Jaipur. It was an elaborate Marwari affair, as most Marwari weddings tend to be. 3 days of eating Rajasthani food, looking at the fullest moon I’ve ever seen, sneaking alcohol to keep warm with the temp at around a balmy 7 degrees Celsius and no sleep was exactly what I needed for a short, relaxing break.

The sangeet was held at a beautiful location, smack in the middle of a bunch of green hills (not that we could see the color of the hills at night, we just assume they were green). The grounds were so large and well-lit that wearing dark glasses at night would not have looked out-of-place. There were hundreds of people, wearing hundreds of shiny sari/suits and shiny accessories. A stage was set up at the front of the lawns, with the beautifully lit fort-palace as a backdrop, where the family could showcase their “talents” by dancing for their beloved bride/groom, whichever side they were from. Since the camera-men were going to be flashing away right from the front of the stage and thus blocking the rest of the crowd from actually seeing the stage, some relative had enough foresight to get large screens installed around the lawns and have the live-show projected on those. There was food from every state in India, and international cuisine as well (by this I mean Chinese, Italian etc.) Of course, since this was a traditional Marwari wedding, there was no alcohol and non-veg at the wedding. Please note, I have mentioned “at the wedding” in the previous sentence, specifically because there was alcohol and non-veg pretty much everywhere else.

The stalking started on the night of the wedding, right from when the Baarat started out towards the Raj Mahal, where the reception/wedding was to happen. Since my friends and I were from the guy’s side, we had the honor of walking a few km on the road with 3 separate bands creating 3 different kinds of cacophony while the riff-raff outside the roped-off interior section took pictures on their mobiles of the pretty, young girls wearing sari/lehengas with open stomachs/backs. By the time we had reached the entrance of the grounds, I noticed the shady character (literally, since he really was wearing dark shades) loitering around me. I also noticed that no matter how much I tried to hide from him in the crowd, he would turn up, standing at the same distance from me with his hands behind his back. He was every woman’s dream stalker; short, dark, paunchy, balding and chewing paan/gutka. So while entering, I made a few fancy maneuvers through the crowd in order to lose him, due to which I lost my friends instead and he was still at the same distance from me as before.

When we finally got a table to sit, I kept my eyes open and sat facing the crowd, so that I would not be taken by surprise. My friends describe the look on my face for the next one hour as “nervous  as a rabbit, with eyes darting everywhere”. After downing a couple of miniatures, which were handed out to the entire baarat (courtesy the groom), I had calmed down enough to run to the restroom with an escort and back as quickly as I could in my heels. The rest of the reception, all I did was sit on that table and eat a whole lot of exotic fruits. I ate a mangosteen for the first time, the sweet and juicy flavour bursting in my mouth. It is at the moment my favorite fruit.

The wedding muhrat was at around 12.30 am, so obviously the ceremony didn’t begin till around 1.30 am. Until then, the bride and the groom were made to stand on a stage to greet well-wishers who wanted to get a picture of themselves in all their finery. At this point, I’d like to take my hat off to the bride, who actually managed to stay upright throughout the reception, despite wearing at least 15 kg on her person. During the ceremony, I decided it was safe enough to visit the restroom by myself as I hadn’t seen the stalker for a while. I carried my phone inside the restroom, on which I received a call from  my friend.

“Where are you?”, he asked.

“In the bathroom”, I replied. “Why?”

“Ok”. Click.

When I walked out, he was waiting outside.

“What’s up?”, I asked, slightly confused at the sudden concern.

“Dude, that guy followed you. He was walking around, outside the ladies’ room!”

Total freak out. Another friend was waiting right outside the bathroom area, to make sure I hadn’t been dragged away by the stalker. I spent the rest of the ceremony looking like before-mentioned nervous rabbit.

All-in-all, a very relaxing weekend.



NY resolutions, anyone?

On January 3, 2011, in Witticisms, by Gaurika Sirohi

“I resolve not to make any new year resolutions this year”, thereby breaking my one and only resolution for 2011.

List of top 10 realistic resolutions for 2011:

  1. I resolve to lose all flab on abs this year by not eating any junk food (hehe, still cracks me up, this one..)
  2. I resolve to work.. maybe..
  3. I resolve to fall sick less frequently.. unless resolution # 2 is involved, in which case this resolution automatically becomes null and void
  4. I resolve to quit smoking.. for this purpose, I will carry around with me all kinds of pictures with blackened & tarred lungs, to be pulled out at strategic moments (such as when friends are eating lunch etc.)
  5. I resolve to quit drinking.. I resolve to drink lesser..
  6. I resolve to quit doing drugs (legal or illegal in all countries)..
  7. I resolve to focus on my career.. (this involves a high probability of resolution # 2 coming into play, in which case please skip to resolution # 3)
  8. I resolve to stop watching movies on the day of their release i.e. Friday nights, and/or without any plausible reviews..
  9. I resolve to spend more time with my folks, especially since they’re growing older.. plus, this way, I can squeeze a little more shopping out of them.. after all, what on earth will they do with all that money? (Ideal time for villainous laughter: MWAHAHAHAHA)
  10. Last but not least, I resolve to live and let live.. oh, wait, I’m already doing this.. ok, so instead, I resolve to not be such a know-it-all this year.. to this intent and purpose, I will further resolve to keep my mouth shut when my opinion is required and open it only at all other times..

That’s all for now. Over and out.